WE (Deon and I) LOVVEEEEEE THEM. Favourite weird ‘always end up talking about death in an inappropriately happy way’ cute. So glad walrus is back and it’s the four of us again anticipating dance matches and suppers and sleepovers with my Monica list. They've become family and I/we are blessed and grateful. LOVE THEM, love all of us. Love all of us together. I love you both, Joan and Andrew.
I am grateful, I love, I treasure. These two, I will never have enough to describe in words.
I uncaringly keep scratching my eyes like a mild form of rebellious comfort. I’m bitter with resentment and anger, and when I mindfully rest it is with longing for certain company. I’ve got homes that are out of reach for now.
I dream a lot for what I hope may come true. I dive, dwell and live through a world of mad characters.
I’m really sad that I can’t help with her new move into her own apartment. I know full well the fun we’ll have, the insults she’ll use to make fun of my lack of strength, the (masterchef) meals we’ll prepare and lazy moments where we will lie amongst the mess and she’ll count how long before I irresistibly start cleaning again. I’ll be gleefully waiting in the background as you call your stupid internet company to complain, and proudly give you an excited hug at how grown-up that was. Then we’ll have doughnuts and tea! Although we’ll probably drop the doughnuts in mud and all the teabags will tear for no reason, resulting in being depressed together. How I love you, and miss you Joanie.
My room’s in a mess, my task list I have memorised from running it through 24 hours a day, things have gone missing, my usually organised everything is now unorganised everything, I’m missing my Best Friend’s big move to her own home, I’m intolerant and sensitive and worrying what’s left of my brains so much that it’s seeping through my ears onto the floor and getting repeatedly stepped on.
I had a wonderful dinner today. Both parents cooked me a birthday meal, two mains, and dessert! The whole family sat down and ate such wonderful food with all the love that went into it. It made me so happy, I’ll write a proper one about it soon after I look through all the adorable videos that were taken. I love my wonderful perfect family. :)
I also miss two people that have huge pieces of my almost 21 year old heart, Joan and Deon. I haven’t seen the first in about five months and it feels like the limit of us not seeing each other, and for the latter its been just about a week, but the bits of time we get is of course never enough. Both of them said today and I responded the same to them both, that we missed each other. And I ache more than a little because I missed them that much more today. No trigger, I just did and I think they felt a bit of that too.
I miss you so much, but I still love you more than that.
IT IS ALSO time to bleed for the month which means I will be watching online wedding proposals and trying not to cry.
‘Andrew’s my lover, but Anna’s my soulmate.’
In my broken sentences
her knowing of my heart sings a slow, beautiful ballad.
Through the wire the miles diminish, and in deep love she holds my hand.
and I rest in our blissful, metaphorical garden.
Of comfort, of ease,
of the years we grew and tended.
Explanation falls short of our bond, steady and wholesome.
We treasure the giving and unique,
the warmth of each other.
She is beautiful.
The rare kind that shines unearthly
when her magic is called upon.
'You'll find your way around it.
You’ll find your glow again.’
I love you.
had fun with my pen today, will learn to develop them more tomorrow.
I miss being chosen as a model by maoz, she’s so talented and it made me feel special. She made me look and feel pretty and thats a big deal. Having someone (and pretty much the only one besides boyfriend) wanting to frame me in photos felt nice.
so talented: www.maoooz.tumblr.com
She’s amazing. Makes my days. With her I’m really someone, and thats more beautiful and loving than an eternally warm mug of tea.
I really, really miss you.