had fun with my pen today, will learn to develop them more tomorrow.
I miss being chosen as a model by maoz, she’s so talented and it made me feel special. She made me look and feel pretty and thats a big deal. Having someone (and pretty much the only one besides boyfriend) wanting to frame me in photos felt nice.
so talented: www.maoooz.tumblr.com
She’s amazing. Makes my days. With her I’m really someone, and thats more beautiful and loving than an eternally warm mug of tea.
I really, really miss you.
I haven’t facetimed Joanie Ponie in two days and it feels weird, like I haven’t pooped in two days. Not healthy in a weird way. hahaha
She looks so beautiful here. :)
Big bunch of photos of my immensely loved and laughed with, family. It is late and the monthly emotional wave that renders me overly happy and wordless in the ability to emote is in place/season/motion/I can’t remember the word for this. I’m not even sure if that sentence made grammatical sense.
I LOVE YOU ALL MADLY MADLY MADLY!
ah and the photo of my short body, is my comfort clothes. I always feel good when I wear that outfit and I felt good that day. That made me happy too so I posted it. yeeeeeeeeeeewoohoo.
I am filled with so much loathing for others. Various people, various reasons, various reactions that have increased tenfold. I am an extremely high strung piece of thread, so unbelievably tense it is incredible. It feels gigantic and incredible on my back. I miss my person, I miss my boyfriend, I miss my people really, really listening. I miss them in my room on a weekday night when these feelings come. I want to fall to them, these two I trust with the worst of myself. Release, comfort, love, rest. I miss the rest in their faith and knowledge of who they know I am. The love in their voices when they remind me lovingly, again.
madness part 3
I was clever about posting this time. You see, I wanted to post this after you went through the departure hall but haven’t gotten on your flight yet, I imagine you waiting to enter the plane and reading this. The post ill tell you to read in an audio file ill send you, after you read most of your letter from me. Very specific, very planned, I’m sure you’re not surprised. I’m typing this on the go, because I can’t post it till then in case you check, because you love me that much. ;) I’m in the car now, (waiting not driving) and ‘hit me baby one more time’ played in the radio as I typed, such fate!
I thought a lot about how to start, and I decided on this: You like gifts. You never ask, but when someone gives you one, (a meaningful, thoughtful one like I always do waha) you love them, they make you warm and happy and you get excited. You feel the love that comes with one, and you love that.
You’re a gift. You’re a gift from God, one of the best I’ve received, and I’m sure it’s one of the best ill ever receive. (TBC)
As you know, I’m insanely possessive and obsessive and jealous over the title you give me, one that I guard fiercely. ‘Joan’s best friend, your person, your wife, your sister.’ I can’t even remember how many times I listed all of that down in the letters. I am so damned proud of it and I want everyone to know. Partly because I am so insanely proud, partly to let people know they don’t have a chance for that status anymore, so back off. Half kidding. Hahaha yes, I’m crazy possessive, it’s a sign of my mad love for you. ;)
Okay back to the gift thing, I jumped topics. Yes, you’re a gift. Every time I’m happy, or sad, or angry, you’re always a gift. Of understanding, of patience, of reason, of blind love. You loving me no matter how dramatic, or exaggerated, or funnily bitter I am.
We’re so romantic. Hahaha, we really are married aren’t we, I like how our other male partners accept how almost adulterous we are.
I like our stupid bad luck when we try to be cool
I like our dependence in parkway
I like our constant ‘sorries’ at every mistake we make when we drive
I like your bed and how well I sleep on it
I like how you’re so easy to please when you come over, so insanely nice but keep your ‘affectionate’ meanness when you’re talking to me
I like how my mum thinks you’re cute, and my siblings think you’re weird.
I like how easily comfortable we are
I LOVE how we know what each other is thinking with just a look.
I like not needing to explain, but I annoyingly do anyway and you reprimand me for it
I like how we telepathically react at random things we see when we’re walking around
I like our telepathy
I love that everyone knows we’re like SUPERtight (does the two finger stuck together sign thing)
I love us sharing excitement and sadness, bringing more joy, easing the burden of sorrow.
I like how I’m emotional for you at funny everyday issues
I like your angry loud ranting calls after a bad work day
I like how I could go on forever
I’m sorry I was late, I’m stupid to the last moment, really slow as usual.
Ill miss you incredibly. Be safe.
I love you.
let’s see if you see it jp
This is Joan.
Joan calls me beautiful, while she is so so beautiful herself. Joan is extremely adorable. Joan and I have our own brand of funny, as shown above.
Joan is incredibly thoughtful. Joan proclaims on public platforms her love for my illustrations and photos when I deserve them. Joan shamelessly shows the world her pride in me and I do the same. Joan is kind.
Joan is loud and proud of our special, different, supercool unlabeled best friendship. As am I.
Everyone knows we’re each other’s person. I LOVE YOU. AND I LOVE US. You are super adorable, Joanie Ponie, especially in drive thrus. ;)